Searching in the Normality

Comfort and familiarity.  Acceptance and easy laughter.  A place where care and discipline go hand in hand, creating an environment of freedom and safety.  The atmosphere is thick and sweet, each atom stuffed to the brim with faithfulness, joy and affection; unacknowledged, however, not unfelt.  In this place, the chest is open, exposed and vulnerable.  Trust, secured at first breath, unbroken, beats down walls, tears down pride, destroys fear.  Day to day adventures, life tendencies, natural longings stretch and claw to fill a hole in the center of a being.  The heart is gone, it's committed to that place, locked in a safe of patience, kindness, perseverance, goodness, hope, humility, perfect and never-ending love.

Enamoured, Inspired.

Lord, you've investigated me, examined my life, you know everything about me. You know my everyday normalities, my routines and daily life. You can hear my thoughts and know my mind, my habits and natural tendencies. You understand my words and what I say before I can even communicate my ideas.

Everywhere I go, You are there. I am surrounded by You, You encircle me with Yourself, with Your love. I am in your arms. Your presence is with me everywhere I go. This is hard to wrap my head around, too amazing for me to take in and understand.

Your Spirit is everywhere, Your presence fills the earth and I cannot escape it. No matter where I go, if I try to run and hide, You are all around. You are always with me, guiding me and leading, even when I'm surrendered to you, and when I want to run away. Anywhere I go, You are there. Even when I think I'm away from You, You see me. The darkness is not too dark for You to see into, in fact, it's just as easy as looking into a lit room.

You created me. You've made me the way you wanted me to be. Before I was born You were thinking of me and wiring my personality, my looks, my likes and dislikes, every moment of my life. Thank-You for creating me perfect in your sight. You do all things well, including me. You have not forgotten about me.  You aren't surprised by me, by my existence and the way I live my life.

I want to know Your thoughts, but there are so many of them. More than the stars, more than the sand are your thoughts toward me. Just to know a piece of your mind is so amazing to me. To hear your words is an unfathomable blessing. I am always on Your mind.

Investigate my life God, know my heart, my desires and longings. Examine my thoughts. My anxious urges and struggles. Show me the secret things in my life, the things I burry and hide. Where are the wrongs in my life? Clear Your path for my life, so I can follow hard after Your ways, into Your will.

I Spend my Life to Know, and I'm far from Close, The Greatness of Our God

What do I want people to say about me at the end of this semester??

The next three and a half months may be my last here in Oz.  I have so many mixed emotions, so many thoughts, lots to do and say.  In all honesty, I have no idea what people think about me.  Sometimes someone will tell me their opinion, most of the time I like it, sometimes I don't.  I don't think we can really know what people think, and we can say what we want them to, but usually there's a big difference between the two.  So I guess what I'm about to say is more of a goal, someone I'm striving to be.  I feel kinda vulnerable right now, and I'm slightly scared to post this because what if I don't end up succeeding? I hope maybe my past blogs on judgment and grace will have some effect in that case.  Can I just say though that I'm actually trying, working, striving.  It's a journey and I don't think I'll ever arrive.

I want to be a person full of grace and compassion.  I want to be truthful and transparent.  I want to love beyond my own ability.  I want the will of God and the fruits of the spirit to be active and evident in my life, not for my own benefit but for the benefit of others.

How does this happen?


Dear Future Self... (and anyone who wants to claim this for themselves)

I just want to write to encourage you.  I'm learning new and exciting things, and I want to document it now so later, when struggles and things come up, you can go back to it and be reminded.
You are blessed!  You are a person of great worth.  You have something to offer.  When you are struggling or going through hard times, remember God's will for your life.  Remember His promises.  He wants to bless you, He wants to give you good things.  You know His power, you've felt His love.  Now it's up to you.  God has already done the hard stuff.  All He's asking of you is to remain in Him.  Put your trust in Him, nail it down.  You know His goodness and you know He is trustworthy.  You don't need to question it.  Nail it in your heart and stay there.  Cling to Him and He will take care of you.  Sure He will prune you, cut things out of your life.  But, like in a diamond, the better the cut the more it's value is shown.  Make your home in His love.  Put your heart fully in His hands and let His fingers be the filter of what goes in and out of your life.  When you do get cut, when you are pruned,  it only helps create better fruit, bigger opportunities in the long run.  Remember, the things that come from your life, the fruits of the spirit, are for others, and God's will for you is only to benefit the world that He is so madly, passionately in love with.  He will help you produce good fruit, because you are planted in Him, you are planted in good soil.
Don't be discouraged.  Look up, focus your eyes, take a deep breath, plant your feet in place and remain, stay, cling to God.  He won't let you down.  He does all things well, including you.