Knowing Where to Start...

I want to Create

               I want to Learn

    I want to Build something from the bottom up

                         To Know, To Discover, To Chance, To Try

I want to take things that already exist

                                                    Things that people already know

          And Learn from them

Do things I've never Done

                        Try things I've never Tried

             Explore, Imagine

There are so many things I don't know

      I've never Experienced

I want to Learn as much as I can

                    Drink in other people's Knowledge

                                                               Expand on their Creativity

I have an image of Who I want to Be

           Things I want to Do

           Where I'd like to Go

                         I want to be a Designer

                                 a Creator

                                 a Learner

                                 a Traveler

                                 a 'proper' Lady

I want to waltz around in high heels       Loving the world to perfect health

                                                  The biggest problem is the Start

I'd rather just jump into the middle

            Already Knowing

                           Already Ready

    And let the                 Momentum                take me

            But momentum has to be Built

And floating along isn't going to get me anywhere

                                       The key is the Drive

Pushing past the frustration that becomes the obstruction

                                                             (which makes me wish I was slightly more competitive)

I'm learning that

                                      Creativity

                                                                 is actually easier within Structure

                                                                                             within Discipline

Mediocrity is just as close to the Bottom as it is to the Top

It's the Start

           I've always hated the Start

                           of Anything

                  of Everything

I want to Learn

            I want to Learn

                        I want to Learn

                                    I want to Learn!

Learn What?

                            Start Where?

          How?    When?

     When?

And then there's Time

                        GAH Time!!

                 There's never enough Time

                                                                                                                 (As is money!)

What to Read?

           Where to Look?

                        Who to Go to?

       HOW TO START?

The Challenge (and Thank-you to Bobby Houston for this one):

                               Not to Despise the Day of Small Beginnings.

   Day 1

I Guess it's Just up to Me....

So it's been a while since I've written, and a lot has happened.  I finished college and now I'm home.  I've been home only a week, but I'm struggling to adjust.  Seriously. I don't really know why, and I love my family, but I just have no desire to be here and stay here. I'd be completely content if I was just visiting right now. I kind of expected this to happen, because of how everything ended, I knew I was going to be heartbroken, and so it helps that I was prepared for it, but it still doesn't take it away. Everything in me wants to be back in Australia, even if I didn't go back to college. I miss my friends, I miss my church, I miss the atmosphere, I miss the sun, I miss the coffee (ha). I have a lot of things that I really wish I did differently, mostly I just wish I took more advantage of what I had there. I feel like it's so true, you don't know what you have until it's gone. I have a lot of things I want to do now that I'm home, which is good, hopefully I'll be able to organize my time better than I have in the past, which I know I'm getting better at. Probably when things settle down with Christmas it'll be better, more organized and less overwhelming, but I just can't help thinking that even if I just fill all my time up, it's not going to make me want to be here more. I don't really know. One thing I do know really well is that the more I learn, the less I know. Basically, it comes down to, I don't know what to do. I don't know how to be, I don't know where I'm going. I have an idea of what I want to do, the woman I want to be, but I just don't know how to get there, and my biggest struggle is still being disciplined to work hard enough for it. Everything ahead of me looks hard, scarey and lonely. I guess it just comes down to me just missing everyone and everything. I actually learned a lot in Australia, even if we complained about school all the time. I guess I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to keep it up, I don't know how to learn and grow without people telling me. I miss Sarah, I miss Luis. I don't really want to do this all by myself......