Clean and Empty

What a mess...

My life, like my stuff scattered mindlessly over this cramped space I call home.
Ideas, dreams, wants, thoughts, goals, desires

thrown carelessly in the chaotic wreck also known as my mind.

Misplaced, mishmashed jumbles.

That hair-sprayed mirror hanging in my cluttered little bathroom knows it all.
She always sees my complete disarray.
She sees the transformation from morning half-consciousness

to the perfectly made-up person I present to the world.

Then at night she judges me.

'What did you do today?
How have you spent your time?
Where did this shift in priorities come from?
How can you forget so easily?'

I haven't forgotten

I just don't want to remember.

They say old habits die hard, but
Did they ever try a completely new personality?

Who is this person I'm looking at?
I'm still trying to figure her out.
She's beautiful, she's bold

her eyes are clear like crystals.

Maybe that's the problem.

Ignorance is bliss.

So how do I clean up this mind?
Where is the beauty from ashes?
I can't even figure out what is what, or which goes where.
I'm supposed to think about what is pure and noble

true, lovely and right, but

What are those things?
Overwhelm has turned from an adjective into a state of being.


My heart aches from desperation

and I'm drowning in Your love.