Finally, Time is on My Side.

I know I haven't written in a long time, and I've actually been aching for it.  I don't really have anything super important, or creative, to write about, but I was reading through some of my older stuff and I was thinking that my last few blogs were a bit desperate.  I'm doing really well now, so I thought I should probably update.
I'm learning!  I vented last time that I wanted to learn and I didn't know how, and now I am.  I'm really happy, I'm doing really well being home now.  I'm learning to love it.  I'm seeing so SO much change again.  It's like all the things that I learned are now becoming applicable in day to day life.  And I really feel like time is on my side.  I was really worried coming home that I'm getting too old to sit back and 'wait for my life to start'.  I just wanted to get out there and do!! But in reality, I'm have all the time in the world.  I had all these ideas, all these dreams, expectations, intentions for every part of my life.  But God is showing me that right now it's just about me and Him.  I was worried because I didn't know the next step in my life, this dream that I have is so far off, so unattainable, and I was anxious to figure it out, but by slowing down, taking a step back and getting myself in position really is going to be the key to success in this new season of my life.  Yes, Brian Houston's one message that I heard him preach 843746 times has finally sunk in, positioning myself.  So, yes, I've taken steps.  I applied to uni (cross your fingers I get accepted), I'm volunteering in church, I have a job and looking for another one.  But I'm completely in a place that I know God is going to open the right door for me at the right time, and I'm just continuing on until I see a turn arrow, or a stop light.  Whilst waiting for a letter from school, I'm getting myself positioned in the work place, building a clientele, saving money again, setting myself up in London because if I do get in I'll for sure be spending the next four years here, if not, then I'm sure God has other plans.  And, now that I'm here, I'm single, I'm rebuilding friendships, I'm working on me, finding my fit, and taking my time.  I want to become more well-rounded, reading, cooking, walking in high heels, writing, exercising, I bought some books, I've been listening to sermons, organizing my time to include the things I want as well as the things I need.  I also am working on me and God.  And, for this reason, I'm kind of liking being a bit alone right now, I have people I rely on, but it IS up to me, if I care as much as I say I do.  And the best part (and the most frustrating) is that God has put so much burning inside of me for this stuff.  I want to know everything I possibly can, I want to study, I want to understand.  It's frustrating because I still don't really know how, but I'm loving listening to people talk, people that know more than I do.  Lots of times I feel like I know so little I don't even know how to ask the questions!  But it's okay!  Proverbs 25:2 says "It is the glory of God to conceal a matter; to search out a matter is the glory of kings."  Which makes me think that God is deliberately mysterious.  So I'm quite content to seek and find right now.  I'm just at a place of positioning so that 'when my life starts', and God steps in with the next step, I'm prepared, ready and waiting.  I am also so hugely blessed to actually have complete peace that I am in the right place right now.  Everything seems to be coming together for me now.  I knew coming home that I wanted to serve in Church, and I would have been content to serve where ever the need was, but I wanted to be involved with youth, and I'm so ridiculously in love with worship.  There was two spots that needed to be filled at Church when I got here, one with the grade 12 girls, who I absolutely love, and the other helping with the youth worship band.  I am loving every minute of it.  I'm growing and stretching, who would have ever guessed me of all people, shy me, would be helping to lead a worship band.  And the kids are so great, I love them.  I know it's making a difference in me, giving me an extra drive to dig deeper into the Bible so I can effectively lead, and I hope I'm at least helping.  Either way, I know I'm in the right place, and I'm super happy.  I am completely peaceful about putting these dreams and steps in my 'too hard basket' and just knowing God as a good and gracious God.  I'm not waiting and anxiously, desperately, longing for life to start, this is it! This is life and I'm making the most of it, and slowly, but surely, getting myself a position where God can effectively use me in this world He's intensely in love with, and for His good and perfect will.